Luscious Marks: Trying Again
by Black Tears1
Summary: What happens when two grown men discover feelings for one another others might not understand?
1. prologue

A/N: Sorry for the grammar. Please understand I learn English in a public school as a second language while it's actually my third. So please, humor me. Oh, and it's Remus' PoV. 

****

Prologue

I am sitting on the fire steps of his apartment, waiting. I don't know what for, but it seemed the right thing to do. I look again at the parchment in my hands. It makes me sad, like an 'F' I've received for the last fifteen years of my life. Another thing I did wrong, but instead of making something right I am sitting here. Waiting… I don't even know for what, for whom. Maybe for him, though I know he can't come here. 

For the last half year everything swirled so fast around me. I didn't even notice the force of it until now. When powerless and tired I came here. Here, of all places.

And I don't know what to do. That parchment in my hands tells me I've reached a dead end in my path, and I have no where to turn, that I should've turned when I had a chance, when there was another path to walk on. And now I can only sit and wonder. Because my path has ended.

Maybe that's why I got married, the clear pattern, the straight path of life that seemed so right and obvious. The wolf took so much of my self-control in the full moon, I felt I had to control every little detail in the rest of the month. Eventually it swallowed me, like a great tidal wave, and before I've noticed I was carried away by the stream. Following that path of school-crier-marriage that I though I've chosen. 

It could have carried on for the rest of my life hadn't Amanda decided she wasn't happy with me. She felt I wasn't in love with her, and she was right, I just hadn't noticed. We tried counseling and a bunch of other things, but it didn't work. And we got divorced. 

The divorce seemed so right, so fitting. Everything I needed. An opportunity to go back down the path and take the turn I've missed. To go against that stream which carried me more far than I've wanted to go. Only in sleepless nights I've remembered the one time I've swam against the stream. 

It was my bachelor party. It was supposed to be a quiet evening out, just us, the Marauders. We drank a lot, and laughed even more, and above the whole evening floated a tragic feeling that meant only one thing. We finally grew up, the Marauders weren't marauders anymore. Just a bunch of twenty-one years old men, who were soldiers in a terrible war and tried to have a descent, quiet life from fight to fight. 

Peter was the first to leave, saying he had other business to attend, he seldom stayed with us for long those days. James was the next to say his goodbyes, Lily was waiting for him and he didn't like to leave her alone for long, even if she was only in the third month of her pregnancy. That left Sirius and me.

We apparated to his apartment, because Amanda and her friends were in ours. It started as a talk, a different talk than any of the talks I've ever had with him. It was a deep conversation about life and love and attraction and anything we could think about. And for the first time in my life I felt a connection to someone, which meant more than friendship or pure attraction. It was a true bond, a one I've never thought I was capable to have. Something no run in the forbidden forest and no plan to trick Snape could produce.

And then he kissed me, long and hard. And I responded to him. We spent the night making love to each other. Not fucking, not even shagging, but making love. And it was bloody amazing, exploring his body and feeling his hands and mouth study mine. In the morning, when I woke up on tangled sheets, in the arms of one of my best friends, he asked me if I'm still going to merry Amanda. And I nodded.

After that night I saw him only twice. The next day at my wedding, when he stood in the crowd and looked at Amanda and I as we said our vows. He didn't even stay for the reception. The second time was six months later, when Harry was born. We talked, like two old classmates talk, and I still remember the last words he told me. "Yeah, we should keep in touch." As if he knew I was glad we seldom met, because the less I saw him the more I could believe the path I've taken is the right one.

After what happened I wanted to move away, leave England for good. Amanda insisted we move to her birth town in Ireland and we did. It was an easy life, even for a werewolf; I taught in the local school and Amanda worked in an herb shop. We were happy, or at least I liked to believe we were.

After the divorce I fled from Ireland. Not knowing where to go, I went here, to London and to these bloody fire steps. Looking for the turn I saw here the time I was lying on a bed just a few feet from these fire steps.

An owl reaches me and I open the letter, putting the parchment aside. A job offer, from Dumbledore. I smile sadly. The turn I looked for isn't here anymore, and it will never appear again, just like Sirius, it is locked in cell in Azkaban. But there are different turns to take, maybe just as good. 


	2. first chapter

A/N: Second chapter. Sirius's PoW. Enjoy. 

****

Chapter 1

The first thing Remus does is hugging me. He embraces me to his chest and holds me there, my hands stay in their place, lifeless, shying from the warmth of the person with whom I'd shared so much. After a while I make myself pet him emotionlessly on the back.

"Look at you, Padfoot." He says with a smile. "You're clean. And so different." He stops smiling, and studies me with a closed expression. "Your eyes are the same." He says finally.

I want to ask him if he means they are the same as they were when we were we were kids or at the night we met in the shack, but I don't have the power to ask and I don't know which answer I want to hear.

He says I need to take a shower and eat before we even start to talk, and I can't find the words to thank him for understanding. I shower quickly and wrap myself in what I think is Remus's towel, when I come out of the bathroom he smiles fondly at me and brings me a clean robe. I eat than and Remus sits opposite me, just smiling and I can't help but think that this is the same smile I've fell for when I was sixteen.

Finally I put my knife and fork down and look at Remus. His expression becomes serious and he looks at me thoughtfully.

"What happened?" He asks.

I tell him everything there is to the story. About the tournament, about Crouch, about what happened to Harry and about Fudge. 

"What was the name of the boy who died?" Remus whispers when finish.

"Diggory, I think. Cedric Diggory." I shrug.

"Oh, god." Remus leans back in his chair, his eyes staring at me. "It'll happen all over again."

I nod. "It's a war, Remus. Dumbledore is reuniting the Order." 

Remus stands up. "You need to sleep, we'll talk tomorrow."

I can't agree more. "Where do I sleep?" I ask.

"In my room." He smiles sweetly.

"In…in your bed?" I ask hesitatingly.

"Ehm, sure." He blushes. "I don't have any others in my room."

I couldn't sleep. I lay in the bed, motionless, thinking of the warm body that lies next to me. I spent most of my young life being in love with Remus and fucking muggle men. But after that time with Remus, after knowing what meant making love with someone I truly love, sex just wasn't the same. I tried having relationships with men, but it wasn't Remus. After Remus's wedding I thought I would never have him, but now, fifteen years later, lying next to him in his bed, it seemed almost possible.

"Remus…" I whisper to him.

He moves somewhat.

I move closer to him, so my face is inches from his neck.

"Remus, please."

He turns around sleepily and barely opens his eyes. "What is it?" He asks.

"I need to ask you something." I whisper.

"What?" He seems more awake now, though he's still struggling to keep his eyes open. 

"What happened with Amanda?" I ask, avoiding his eyes.

"We've got divorced two years ago." He answers sleepily.

"Why?" I ask desperately.

He studies my eyes seriously. "We weren't in love." 

"Are you sorry you've got married?"

"Yes." He sighs deeply. "For so many reasons."

I hesitate, but the heated look in his eyes drives me to ask. "Am I one of the reasons?"

He moves his face closer and I hold my breath as he plants a light kiss on my neck. "You're the main one." He whispers in my ear. 

I kiss him on the temple and move my hand to his hip. He stops me and smiles tenderly. "Let's just sleep, please."

I nod and we move closer to one another, it doesn't take long until we both asleep.

When I wake up in the morning Remus is gone already. I pad down to the kitchen, wearing an old pair of jeans I found in Remus's closet. I find him there, making breakfast.

He smiles when he sees me and comes to great me. "Good morning." He says and kisses me lightly on the lips.

I stare at him for a few seconds and then grin and sit by the table. 

We eat silently, sometimes sending quick glances in the opposite direction, before an owl arrives. It lands on the kitchen table and drops a letter for me. I open it and read it quickly.

"What is it?" Remus asks.

"Dumbledore wants me back in Hogwarts, immediately, to discuss plans." I look grimly at him.

"Do you have to go?" He asks, though we both know the answer.

"I do." I smile apologetically. "I wish didn't need to, I want to stay here with you."

"So stay." He smiles shyly.

"You need to say how much I'm needed in Hogwarts and send me on my way." I grin. "Make it all dramatic and touching."

"This is not a movie." He sighs. "And I know you are needed in Hogwarts, but… But I need you too."

"Remus…"

"I want you to stay and I won't pretend I'm not selfish." He takes a sip from his tee and avoids my eyes.

I take the opportunity to study him. He doesn't wear a shirt either, but opposed to the muggle jeans I wear, every-day trousers cover the lower parts of his body. His light skin and smooth muscles make me aroused and wishing we had time to go back to bed.

"Put a shirt on." I growl at him. "Or I won't be able control myself."

Remus grins. "I could say the same thing."

"Remus, I warn you. Put a shirt on or we'll be experiencing our second time on a kitchen table."

"What's so bad about that?" He gives me an innocent smile.

"You're wicked." I grin.

"And you're horny." He retorts matter-of-factly.

"I need to go after breakfast." I smile sadly.

His expression becomes serious and he puts his hand on my. "I know."

Only short fifteen minutes later, it's already time to leave.

"I love you." I tell him in the doorway.

He leans to me and buries his head in my neck. "Please come back." He whispers. 

I stroke his hair for a few moments, but after a minute I'm already back in dog form, running north. 

A/N:I really need a beta (come on, you must've noticed!). Any volunteers? 


End file.
